27 March 2011

Choices to make

I've not written in several days. It's not that there was nothing to write.  Too much is more like it.  Too much to write and a distinct lack of motivation.

My sister-in-law observed years ago that when she had three major things going in her life she could handle two fairly well.  The third pretty much had to suffer along on its own.  At least temporarily.  Until one of the other two took its place.  Again, temporarily.  Relationships, work, material responsibilities.  Spouse, children, home.  I can still hear her talking and have found that to be true since she pointed it out.  I am grateful to her for stating the dynamic so succinctly.  I would have taken me a long, frustrating time to figure it out.  To be honest, even knowing it, I have been frustrated ...

Our efforts in the pine grove through the end of winter and into spring have dominated our days.  Spending so much time outside has been intoxicating.  And, our progress is obvious and satisfying.  While I have managed to feed us both two or three meals a day and have picked up the camera every day, those outside hours have come at a price.  The house, though neat, has not had a thorough cleaning in I don't know when and I am too tired to keep up with the reading I want to do.

Until this week I had written pretty consistently.  That consistency had required staying up late, waiting until the house was quiet.  I loved sitting in my little circle of light at the end of the sofa or at the desk.  But, I ran out of steam.  Lots of thoughts.  Many interesting observations.  But, no desire to put any of it into words, sentences, paragraphs, posts.  Every night but one since the first of the week I have gone to bed before Tal and have slept deeply for hours and hours.

My sister-in-law and I both know what we do is dictated by the we choices make.  Or the importance we assign the options put in our paths.  Being outside with Tal has trumped cleaning house (a no-brainer, I assure you).  Getting that image each day has been more important to me than curling up in a chair to read.  But, neither is granted precedence automatically.  I have to remember that I can and must make the choice.  Even if it's something so basic as sleep.

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